I’m Trying on Honesty Like a Warm Sweater

Honesty is such a bitch. Honestly.

I spent so much of my university years wondering how to be as honest as other people, especially in relationships. How was Rami so blanatly honest with her partner? Was that the key to staying together for so long? Shit, if true honesty was the key… I was in trouble. Being honest with yourself in front of someone else is harder than acting in King Lear.

Honesty means you have to face reality and growing up, I was more into living in a fantasy to cope with family issues.

I never faced reality as a young woman. My parents went to a toxic evangelical Christian church in Maryland who would rather subpeona fake testimonials from pastors’ kids to garner sympathy than admit that they were traumatizing gay kids. Our church community actually believed that sending my friend’s mom, who had an unknown illness, to prayer group would help more than paying for medical bills.

Josh spoke of honesty and conviction on that mega-sized podium weekly but never once, that I saw, did he value the lives of people over the delusion of the church body. Probably made them feel good, eh? To believe the lie of being sheep herders? Messengers of Scripture? No wonder I’ve had trouble with honesty. My literal role models growing up were leaders who helped people lie to themselves. What an…