Thank you for this article! You are brutally honest and refreshing. I resonated with the point about 'Not Being a Good Listener.'

I used to be a horrible good listener in high school. I always did the exact thing that you mentioned: waited for my turn to talk instead of listening to the other person. My Dad, through countless reminders and teaching sessions, taught me how to listen over a number of years and I'm grateful to him for his persistence.

Now, I realized my needs from a partner include listening, conversational feedback, and positive affirmations during a conversation. My insecure attachment style revolves around not being heard, so that's what I crave the most.

My thoughts now are 1) I need to get even better at listening to make others feel heard, and 2) The emotionally unavailable man I'm chasing right now consistently talks about himself and doesn't ask about me. He doesn't make me feel heard. So why am I pursuing him?

Maybe it's time for me to be brutally honest with myself this week.

Kind regards,


Software Engineer | Musician | Dog Rescue Work | Bisexual poet and creative dark romanticist who writes about mental health, sexuality, & love.